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I hpe there IS NO LIFE after death

 
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: March 26, 2010 6:48 PM    Post subject: I hpe there IS NO LIFE after death Reply with quote

Here's the deal:

My lover got married tuesday...He told me that he loved me and things between him and I wouldn't change. Ok I accept this for face value BU"T they have changed. He ignores me more then ever and when I told him how I was feeling over what the X fiance told me the other night and mentioned that I really thing I would prefer to be gone from this world he said maybe it was time much as he would miss me.Ok well yeah ok.... you really care how I feel would like to see megone then I won't bother you is what I read from this.

Rah aother person I counted on and who slept with me the first night I was in Virginia who claimed to be a friend and that he would never leave has also abandoned me. Yeah he got what he wanted and moved off to another part of his life and now I am not included.

David... the X fiance... told me the other night that he would be moving out. Great right... not really not only would I lose someone that has been there for the better part of 20 years I would also lose the help I need to pay lights heat etc He says that his stomach hurts so bad that it feels like a knife cutting him but he won't go to the dr... Ok w/e He told me the other day After all othis and after I started crying that he wouldn't leave but he needs his "freedom" and he needs "space" Ok ..again w/e No thoughts to what wil happen to us. no care eitehr. So yeah I cry and cry now all the time.

The only friend who has been true to me is someone that I call Domac on World of WArcraft. They have been a good ffiend helping me to find away to cope with all of thas. My bipolar deprssion is at an all time low..( almost drove into a semi yesterday on purppose) and am also thinking of ssying "fuck it" and grabbing some cigarettes. Haven't done it yet but the thought is there. I have no energy to fight for mysel fna frankly I don't care to. I am tired... depressed and really just want to lay down a finally get some peace. But I don't suppose this is going to happen.

I checked with Low income housing today and well.. they will allow one animal and I hver 3 cats which I just spent over 1000.00 on. NO way in HELL am I going to give them up. So now I am looking for an affordable place that I can handle on my income that will alow cats 3 of them Oh yeah life is great (BULL SHIT)

I have NO ONE I am alone I can't count on anyone I am depressed, tiered and just don't care anymore.
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kevin
Site Admin


Quit Date:
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Posts: 9538
Location: cincinnati, oh

PostPosted: March 26, 2010 8:33 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

well, you've got domac, and you've got us, and you've got your friends on the poetry site, and while i can't speak for any of the others, i'm pretty sure that your friends here are something you can count on.

and they say it's always darkest just before the dawn...

(((you)))
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keep choosing life!

kevin

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kannprint



Quit Date:
April 10, 2004

Posts: 4988
Location: St. Louis, MO

PostPosted: March 27, 2010 9:13 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Kevin's right, Leona. You have many, many friends here on woofmang. We've loved you for almost 6 years now and felt your pain when you've been hurt. Just know that you're loved now too.

Take care of yourself and try to move on. You're in my prayers.
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Jo
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Barbara K.



Quit Date:
December 23, 2004

Posts: 5977

PostPosted: March 27, 2010 12:11 PM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona,

What about your mom and kids? Can you lean on them also for some 3-D support? You can always call me anytime. Remember that things always get better sooner or later. The sun doesn't shine on the same dogs arse every day.

{{{Leona}}}

Hang in there my friend.
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Obstacles don't have to stop you. If you run into a wall, don't turn arouind and give up. Figure out how to climb it, go through it, or work around it.

Blessings,
Barbara K.
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Gidget



Quit Date:
March 14, 2008

Posts: 693
Location: New Haven, CT

PostPosted: March 28, 2010 10:34 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Leona, I'm so sorry things are so difficult right now. When I start feeling bad about the men and the support in my life, I usually find that I was strong enough all along. When I stand up and take care of what needs taken care of, I attract the friends into my life that love and respect me for my strengths. With all of your housing issues, it sounds like you are doing just that. Stay away from the cigarettes. And what a great example of your strength!
Hugs to you!
Gidget
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Leona



Quit Date:
June 1, 2017

Posts: 1838
Location: Alpena, Michigan

PostPosted: March 28, 2010 11:11 AM    Post subject: Reply with quote

Well guys it is like this. I all but begged the X fiance to take me back while we were in the car yesterday.. His response was that we could only be freinds and that I had always acted like a child because I have been robbed of a childhood. And that I had gone to see the guy in Virginia so he no longer wanted me. And a few days ago he said he wasn't WITH Toni a woman my daughter is staying with. But yesterday he let it slip that he was with her his exact word were "at least there I can show affection and get affection in return" Now mind you we had been together for 16 years yeah I mjade a freaking mistake. Geeze I know that and I want to rectify it. He won't let me though. Also his mother and I are alone hre and there is no heat no one to start the wood stove she could run it but she can't start it and neitehr acan I I have to figure out a way to empty out a 32 cubic foot freezer too and that is going to be all but impossible for me as it there is no way to get down to the bottom of it as it sits on some logs and that jacks it up high. I have to get it emptied before wed cuz I have a new freezer coming a smaller one. He was suppose to help with it said he would. He is also telling me that he can help make me a "happy" person. and have a better relationship with my daughter.
That I have to change the way I talk and everything. Bascally I would have to change everything about me. He hasn'[t been here in 2 nights eitehr. bAsically left his mother and I completely aolone
. So yeah here we are... alone... cold..and he is whoring around with another woman. I have been yelled at by m;y kids as if it it wre my fault I have no support other then my lonline freinds. He is basically saying he will leave but he is going to take care of the bills.. which because he has lied so much that I don't believe him. I need a ploace to go that will take me and my 3 cats for around 300 a month. I can't afford more then that.


I want to thakk all of you who have responded and the encouragement you have given. Thank you all so much.
I am tired and scared and don't know what to d.
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